A Flashback to a
Simpler Time
Over eight years ago I was living the bachelors life. I was
a few years out of college, living the life of a broke musician in Columbia,
South Carolina. At the time, I was a part of a small community of believers,
who met at a coffee shop instead of a traditional church. I spent a lot of my
time hanging out with a group of “crust punks” and “train hoppers”, both
Christian and non-Christian. Together we shared meals, rode bikes, went to
shows, made art, explored the city and the wilderness, and discussed our ideas
about faith. That year one of my good friends Eric told me that he was looking
into converting to Catholicism. At the time this seemed like the craziest idea
a believer could admit to.
My whole life, growing up, I was
taught that Catholics were heretics, that exploited the gospel for power and
control. I was taught to believe that they worshiped idols and prayed to a
woman instead of Christ. And most of all, I was taught: “Catholics are not
Christians”.
This was my first impression when
Eric told me the news of his interest in Catholicism. But, I must admit I was
very curious about his journey. After a few very interesting conversations,
Eric gave me a book that explained the major beliefs of the Catholic Church.
Once I got past the chapters on the Sacraments, my understanding of Catholicism
shifted dramatically. As I read the explanation of the sacraments, I found
myself falling in love with Christianity all over again. The way this guy
explained Baptism, Communion, Reconciliation, Confirmation, Marriage, Holy
Orders, and Anointing the sick were absolutely romantic. I couldn’t figure out
why people were so negative about the teachings of the Sacraments. All my life
I have met people from every denomination who believe that you need to be
“obedient” or “a good person” to earn your salvation, but we can’t trump good
theology by pointing out bad Christians or Heretics within the fold. I would
even go so far as to say; even bad pastors aren’t a good enough reason to
discount good biblical theology. So, why was I taught to reject these teachings
from the Catholic Church? Well, because…
That same
year, a friend of mine from California was in town visiting for a few days. He
was a telling me about how he was considering becoming a part of the Eastern
Orthodox Church. After some inquiry, he explained how he felt like he had
learned all he could from his current church, of which he was a deacon, and
that he wanted to grow deeper in his faith. Even though I spouted out some
reasoning for more prayer and devotion time, I really didn’t know what to tell
him. He said things about Orthodoxy that I had never heard before, and I decided
to do some research.
Up until this point the only thing
I knew about Orthodoxy was that they prayed to paintings and worshiped idols;
or so I was told. Either way I thought they were not “real” Christians. This is
decision to look deeper into Orthodoxy is what really created a deep longing in
my heart to discover the “One True Church” or “One Single Bowl of Mixed
Fruit”.
I started my research by reading a
few books on the teachings of the Orthodox Church. This was very enlightening
and also very challenging. And very much like my experience with the Catholic
book I read; I was finding, that instead of being upset, I was becoming more
excited about my own faith. Next I read a few books that were written by
Protestant pastors who converted to Orthodoxy, after they themselves did
research in an attempt disprove its statements of authority. I found these
books hit all too close to home. It was almost like I was reading my own diary.
They were wrestling with all of the same questions I was wrestling with and
they seemed to be experiencing the same fears and frustrations I was also
dealing with. When I was finished reading these books, I felt like I could have
converted right then and there (which I couldn’t), but there were some things
that I was still not ready to accept. So I did a little more research and found
myself very conflicted. I didn’t know how to reconcile these mixed emotions and
ideas; so I didn’t.
Over the next few years I found
myself hostile toward the Protestant Church as a whole. I still went to church
and loved the relationships I had, but I couldn’t shake this feeling that
something was missing or that some things just didn’t add up.
When Alisha and I were living in
Atlanta we were going to a Vineyard church that was in the process of converting
to an Anglican Church. This felt more like home than I have ever felt. They
were so intentional about recognizing the earlier traditions of the Church and
it felt so right. It was neither mindless nor legalistic. It was organic and
genuine. It even had a modern flare because they still used a band for worship
instead of the tradition piano or organ you usually find in an Anglican church.
While I was there I was content. But then we moved back to Columbia. We visited
the Anglican Church in town but it felt so sterile and forced. I decided that
we would just look around for a better fit. Eventually we landed at a church
that treated us like family from the start. It was just what we needed at the
time. We have spent the last four years attending that same church and it has
been great. However, I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I am missing
something.
Like I said, my community has been
great. They have been there for me during some really dark times of my life and
I can’t express how much they have been a blessing to my family and me.
However, I often found myself feeling like I didn’t share a lot of the same
ideas about the faith. We would often talk about these ideas but it never went
anywhere. It has just gotten to the point where I feel like I am arguing about
something I am hearing from the pulpit. So I asked myself, “If all my arguments
are coming from the perspective of the Orthodox Church, why am I still not
Orthodox?”
Now, here is part of the conundrum.
One of the biggest questions I am wrestling with is the question of Authority.
One of the questions you maybe asking is, “Why don’t you just submit yourself
to your church leaders and their teachings?” A good friend of mine once asked
me, “How does one get authority?” My answer was “authority is either handed
down from above or it is given from below”. Now that may not be 100% accurate,
but let me explain what I mean. If we elect someone into office, we are giving
someone authority by putting them above our selves. We are then choosing to be led
by them. The benefit of this scenario is we get to choose who we want to lead
us. We also get to change leaders when we don’t like what happens or when
discipline is a threat. When Jesus gave the Apostles authority he gave it to
them via his own authority, therefore passing it down. The challenge with this
scenario is that we don’t decide who is in charge and if we don’t like what
they have to say we don’t get to participate. But we also benefit from knowing
that they are the ambassadors of God and not the ambassadors of US. Today the
modern church is a mix of both; some churches are passing down their authority
to a younger generation, while others are taking it with an “if you build it
they will come” mentality. The latter
may not always be a bad thing but it tends to be on the unhealthy side. Rick
Warren is one of the most popular names in Christian America. He was the Pastor
of one of the largest churches in America. Some would say that because his
church was big and growing larger and larger that he must be doing God’s will.
However, he was often criticized for selling a watered down gospel covered with
positivity and a smile. Last year his church went into bankruptcy. Does any of
this discredit him or his ministry? Should we even care? What about the small
church plant that was born out of rebellion? What about the thriving local
ministry that is above reproach? Who is responsible to confront the local
church about turning their pastor into a little Pope? Who will confront the
Pastor who acts like a king instead of a servant? Sadly, I think it is easy to
confront individuals about accountability and submitting to authority, but it
seems almost impossible to hold church leaders to that same standard.
So to tie this post all together: I
have grown discontent with the “build a Jesus” mentality; that church is a
personal expression of faith that we get to make up as we go along. I see a
trend of using the Bible to justify our emotional whims, while ignoring the scriptures
that are a threat to our precious Traditions. And even though this sounds very
harsh: my observations so far have shown me that while Orthodoxy seems to be a
practice of humility and piety, Protestants have shown me nothing but pride and
arrogance while defending their stance on these issues. Now don’t get me wrong,
I am willing to admit that these observations, of mine, don’t prove anyone more
right than the other. I just want you the reader to understand why I am so
eager to figure this out.
What is “this”? “This” thing is Truth.
I want to know if God built his Church and if the Gates of Hell are still at
bay. Or did the Gates prevail, and are we trying to salvage the wreckage? I
want to believe that the Church has been and is still intact; and that it has
not been tainted. I don’t want to have to feel like I am just guessing anymore.
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